Category Archives: Fail

Cuban Pork Lettuce Wraps Fail

Okay, I admit it.  This recipe might not be a fail for you, but it sure was for me.  You see, ever since I read the “Dexter” books, I have been craving a Cuban sandwich.  I know Dexter eats a sandwich or two in the television series, but trust me, in the books it is like every other chapter.  This recipe just made me realize that if I want a Cuban sandwich, I am going to have to go to Miami.

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What I liked:  The pork is good and it is nice to have a crock pot recipe every once in a while.

What I did not like:  It was messy to eat (like really messy), and I still am left with a slight tinge of disappointment.  I really need a Cuban sandwich.

Here is where I found the recipe.  I like (no, love) almost every single thing she posts, so that does make me think that maybe, just maybe, the problem with this recipe is me… http://paleomg.com/crockpotcuban-pork-lettuce-wraps/

Ingredients:

 

–         1 head of butter lettuce, washed

For the Pork

–         2 lb pork shoulder roast (I used boneless pork chops because they were on sale and were way less than a roast)

–         1 yellow onion, sliced

–         6 cloves of garlic, peeled

–         1 lime, juiced

–         1 orange, juiced and zested

–         1 tablespoon oregano

–         ½ teaspoon cumin

–         ½ cup vegetable broth

–         Salt and pepper to taste

For the Slaw

–         1 head of purple cabbage, sliced to thickness preference

–         5-6 dill pickles, sliced lengthwise

–         5-6 tablespoons yellow mustard (the kind you put on burgers, not the powder)

–         2 tablespoons olive oil

–         1 teaspoon white wine vinegar

–         Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:

–          Add your pork ingredients to the Crockpot and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours

–          Add all your slaw ingredients into a large bowl, using as much mustard as suits your fancy.

–          Once your pork is done cooking, shred into bite size pieces

–          Place shredded pork and slaw into a leaf of butter lettuce and eat up.

 


Chicken Apple Hash Fail

It isn’t that this dish was bad, it was just that nobody wanted to eat it.

For me, it is the idea of ground meat for breakfast – I just can’t do it.

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The recipe is from the Whole 30 Guide and let me say that they have a lot of good things in there – a lot.  This just didn’t happen to be one for me.

Ingredients:

 

–         2 lbs ground turkey or ground chicken

–         2 Fuji apples, peeled, cored and grated

–         1 sweet onion, diced

–         1 zucchini or summer squash, diced

–         Jamaican All Spice (I used 1 ½ teaspoons)

–         Cinnamon (I used 1 teaspoon)

–         Cooking fat of choice

Instructions:

            Add spices to oil, heat 2 min, add chicken, when almost browned, add the rest.  Cover, cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.


Recipe Fail (or perhaps cook fail): Banana Almond Pancakes

I have adult braces, although why I feel the need to add “adult” as an adjective, I don’t know.  I’m obviously (biologically) an adult.

Anyway, I just got a heavier wire on my adult braces, and my teeth hurt.  I was inspired by my recent success with PaleOMG Carrot Cake Pancakes and in need of some soft food, which led me to try these pancakes:

Mark Sisson’s Almond Banana Pancakes

These have no “alternative” flour such as almond meal or coconut flour.  Just three ingredients:  banana, almond butter, and egg.  I mashed the banana, added the egg and almond butter and some cinnamon, and mixed.  I heated some coconut oil and commenced pancake frying.

There might be a knack to these, but I just didn’t get it.  Even over medium heat, I burned the first batch.  It seemed that by the time these delicate pancakes were cooked enough to flip, they had burned.

On my second attempt, I flipped while they were still mushy, which prevented burning but didn’t get me much of a crust.

These don’t even *look* appetizing, do they?  They tasted okay though, especially where I did manage to get a crust.  Luckily I had other food to eat (asparagus frittata and chicken sausage).

I had a little bit of batter left, so I did make a third attempt.  I added in some extra almond butter and hovered over them like a mother bird.

Sigh.  Edible?  Yes.  Highest use of a ripe banana?  No.  (This is the highest use of a ripe banana, IMO!)

In the future, I’ll stick to my old almond blueberry pancake recipe, which I also adapted from Mark Sisson.


Asian Broccoli Slaw

Asian Broccoli Slaw

Image Susan again and this time I have disappointing news…  The Asian Broccoli Slaw was not fabulous.  It wasn’t horrible, but I’m sure not going to find myself one day thinking ‘Man, what would really hit the spot right now is some more of that Asian Broccoli Slaw!’  Just not going to happen. Thankfully, you have us to test these recipes for you!  Aren’t you lucky!

What I liked:  It is beautiful.  It really is.  The colors are amazing.

What I did not like:  The taste was boring.  Even with the red pepper flakes and minced ginger.  Maybe it would be better if you doubled the dressing recipe?  I would give that a try if I make this again.

Here is the recipe.  I found it at http://www.multiplydelicious.com/thefood/2011/12/asian-broccoli-slaw/

Ingredients for the Slaw:

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–         ½ Head Red Cabbage (finely sliced)

–         4 Cups Broccoli (grated in the food processor)

–         2 Green Onions

 Ingredients for the Sesame Ginger Dressing:

 

–         ½ Tablespoon garlic, minced

–         ½ Tablespoon ginger, minced

–         2 Tablespoons  Toasted Sesame Oil

–         2 Tablespoons Coconut Aminos

–         2 teaspoons Sesame Seeds

–         ½ teaspoon Sea Salt

–         ½ teaspoon Fresh Ground Black Pepper

–         ¼ to ½ teaspoon Red Pepper Flakes